The Max Fangirl
by Ketsi-aiita-n
Summary: Rating for (as always) Yaoi. A Max fangirl attacks Max, Tyson is an idiot, Daichi imitates Starfire. Read n reveiw


Ketsi: Fangirls are dangerous.

Helen: And we should know. We ARE fangirls.

Ketsi: But even worse than us…is a Rabid Max Fangirl.

Helen: Who doesn't want Max with anyone but herself. A Mary-Sue. The Spawn of Satan.

Max: Where did you even come up with this?

Helen and Ketsi: Honestly? No idea.

Max: I'm kind of…scared. Am I going to die again?

Ketsi-shrugs- Not sure. But our plotbunny…-pets Ryu the plotbunny- …was pretty insistent that we write it.

Helen: EVERYONE'S OOC! Live with it.

Ketsi: It's not ours, Kai and Rei wouldn't be wearing as much clothing in as they do if we owned it.

I used to be a spacer-

The girl narrowed her eyes over a magazine as the blonde boy walked pat. God knows how she got there, but she had bright pink hair that had been curled to the point of turning into a Slinky (A/N Did you ever have one of those? What FUN!), and big, blue eyes.

"Max…" she whispered.

The hunt had begun.

I used to be a spacer-

Max sat down between Rei and Tyson and picked up a piece of pizza. This was a pretty unusual event, all five of them together, eating pizza.

That was mainly because Daichi usually wanted something really bizarre, like edam cheese, soaked in pineapple juice, then dipped in chocolate and salt or something. Also because Kai thought that pizza was far to unhealthy and refused to let them eat it because it would make them fat ("like Tyson").

But! It was Max's birthday, and everyone had to bow to his whim. Even the Almighty Kai.

Still, Daichi did manage to order mint frosting on his pizza. (A/N ALL HAIL STARFIRE!)

I used to be a spacer-

Due to an evil plotbunny named Ryu, Max found himself outside. He had probably been taking out the garbage, but it is irrelevant. What is relevant is that he was now outside, without a large blunt object to defend himself with, and surrounded by sucky anime trees and bushes.

One of those bushes contained the girl we met earlier, more fool us.

You see, Max fangirls are far more deadly than a Kai, Rei or Tala fangirl because there are so few. They have developed ninja-like stealth due to extreme isolation and so work alone, unlike the Kai/Rei/Tala fangirl who works in a large, screaming mob. This large screaming mob is scary, but harmless.

Relatively speaking.

Tyson fangirls are even more rare, and Daichi fangirls rarer than that, but we won't go into detail. We'll leave you with one word on that subject - "FNARGLE!".

Anyway, this rather lethal fangirl jumped out of the bushes holding a gun which she had stolen from Mr K of Gravitation. (A/N Never heard of it? GOOGLE IT!) She had read far too many fics with Max/Tyson, or Max/Anyone-but-her, and it had driven her over the edge.

"I can't believe you Max!" she hollered.

Max was utterly bemused.

"You…you…why aren't you with me?"

"Erm…because…I've never met you before?"

Simply because the plot demands it, or maybe because he had heard the screaming 15 year old girl outside, Tyson appeared at the doorway.

In typical Tyson-the-complete-and-utter-idiot mode, the Japanese boy hurled himself between the bullet wielding teenager and Max.

This seemed to aggravate the girl even more. "See? He's defending you! It should be the other way around!"

"Seriously. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Hey, Tyson?" Rei called. He stuck his head out of the door, as the rest of his body, in true Ketsi-fic style, was being groped by Kai.

Not that Rei didn't like it.

He just didn't want the general viewing public to see…without paying first.

"What are you doing out there?"

"Kinda busy Rei…"

"Chyeah. So am I." Rei growled indignantly. "It's just that it sound like one of our homicide-fangirls."

"It's one of Max's."

"Ohmygod! Kai we have got to see that!"

They weren't being rude to Max, it's just that they had never witnessed a Max fangirl before. Well, not a homicidal one.

When they got outside, the gun was now aimed at Tyson. Tyson was far to stupid to be scared.

"You're not hurting Max. He's far too innocent." Tyson said.

"Except for that on time…with Daichi…" Rei began. "I'm not helping, am I?"

"No." Tyson gave the opposition a death glare that he had learned from Kai. "Why exactly do you want to kill him anyway?"

"Because he's with you! And not me!"

"Really?" Kai asked, suddenly interested. "When did this happen?"

"I don't know."

The girl stuttered. "But…but Kai and Rei are…"

"They're in a whole different league of gay," Tyson said. As though to demonstrate this, we'll focus on the fact that Kai still had his hands in Rei's pants.

"Hn," the girl muttered.

"You sound like Kai." Tyson said. "Never, ever do that. Ever again." There was a pause. "So…put the gun down."

"He may not be with you, but he's still not with me!" Pink-hair shrieked.

"There's no need to be so loud," Rei said. "Talk like a normal human being, which I'm sure you are when you're not stalking Max."

Kai licked Rei's neck.

"Get a room," the fangirl growled.

"Hell no. This is far too interesting. I mean…a MAX fangirl! I thought there was only that weird girl from Bulgaria last month…remember? The one who looked like Emily on crack. I thought it was only her."

Tyson ignored the fact that Rei had even spoken. "Rei, get over here and help me protect Max."

"Why me? Why not Kai?"

"Kai is attached to you. I assumed he came with the package."

Kai was now sucking on Rei's neck like a deranged vampire.

Rei walked over to stand in front of Max. "Ok then. Max is cute. If you kill him, he won't be cute any more. He'll become a rotting pile of grey bones and flesh and stuff. Grey bones and flesh and stuff is NOT cute."

"Not exactly how I would have put it," mused Tyson, "But…what Rei said."

Kai just nodded.

"But…"

"I think your arguments just ran out," A voice said from behind Rei. Kai was speaking again! Hooray for the voice of reason. "Look. We have about three minutes tops before the insane Yaoi fangirls appear and begin attacking Rei and myself, and believe me, you don't want to be here when that happens." He draped his arms around his boyfriends neck. "Just…come inside, Max can sign something, we'll give you some kind of merchandise or a souvenir. Then leave us alone, ok?"

"Ok!" The fangirl chirruped.

"That was relatively easy," Rei said as they began to walk inside.

"Hn."

There was a rumble.

The Yaoi fangirls had arrived.

I used to be a spacer-

Ketsi: Well that was…unnecessary.

Helen: But fun! Ever so fun.

Max-cheers- I didn't die this time!

Kai- is murdered by rampaging fangirls-

Ketsi: Review! Or I'll eat your brains!


End file.
